Mysteries of Sheehan’s Desk: Day 5

Because of an office construction project, I had to clear off my desk — which meant moving seven years of accumulation. Every morning, I’ll share another uncovered item with you.

Sometimes people ask me, “Sheehan? Why are you keeping all those boxes of carb-free muffin mix at your desk? Or what about the jars of pickling spice and sleeves of golf balls?”

Mostly I just tell them to shut up and mind their own business. What a man chooses to hoard is his own business, after all. But the truth? For those of you who remember the picture of my desk pre-cleanup, I think the answer is obvious. I lived in constant fear of being buried alive under a landslide of old newspaper clippings, take-out menus and liquor bottles. And when the day inevitably came when some heretofore undiscovered fault line in my filing system let go and trapped me under a crap-alanche, I wanted to make sure I had enough emergency supplies on hand to survive comfortably until a rescue was organized. And while I wasn’t precisely looking forward to living on dry pancake mix, rubber cheeseburgers and pickling spice, at least it would’ve been better than eating the golf balls.

Or the low-carb muffin mix.