Tattoos are dumb. Ask my mom. Don’t ask her, actually, because it isn’t all tattoos that are dumb in her eyes, just my little girly clip art pieces and that giant weird dead cat thing my neighbor got tattooed on his calf. My brother has a whole arm full of…
There really is no comparison between Martin Lawrence and Candy Darling, né James Slattery, an actress and fixture of the Warhol Factory/late ’60s downtown New York scene who happened to be technically male. One was beautiful as a woman, talented and funny; the other is hideous as a woman, and…
Can your five-year-old make a kick-ass game? You know, write the story, create the assets, record the voice-over and record some of the music? We didn’t think so, but Ryan Creighton’s daughter Cassie can, and it’s called Sissy’s Magic Ponycorn Adventure. It’s a magical adventure about a ponycorn (they’re the…
Given that the only sports more American than baseball are truck-pulls and war, come spring, it’s once again time to turn our attention to that most grueling contest of standing around with occasional bursts of activity. These days, actually, there are a lot of sports more in-line with the American…
Poetry is all about words well chosen; success in gardening starts with the right seeds. Placement, or syntax, means everything to both: While the poet needs to know exactly when to let the sun shine directly on a word and when to hide it in shadow, the gardener must likewise…
For all those who give pom-pom critters for birthdays, feel an urge to stick googly eyes on everything or just occasionally get a twitch to fold some origami, we bring you “Gettin’ Crafty,” where we feature a craft you can easily make with minimal supplies and limited finances. For friends…
Apparently at a loss for other ways to deal with the scourge of homosexuality, the state of Tennessee resorted to the old Voldemort tactic of not speaking its name last week by banning discussion of it from classrooms — luckily, gay activist George Takei has volunteered his own name in…
The Edge, a musician with the popular band U2, is a man known for the wearing of hats — and while the hat he is primarily known for is his trademark black beanie, we have it on good authority that he also wears other types of hats. Or at least…
Being a phone sex operator is actually kind of boring. At least, that’s the gist of what we learned from Crystal (that’s a pseudonym, by the way), a phone sex operator Thorin Klosowski interviewed back in March for How to Get My Job — there, Crystal tells us that, ultimately,…
Thank goodness the rain has finally stopped. It was really starting to weigh on our usual summer activities, like texting by the icy waters of our friend’s apartment complex pool and wandering various farmer’s markets looking for raw honey and other stuff white people like. Anyway, the nice weather has…
Congress Park’s Teller Elementary School already marches to a different drum when it comes to fundraising: Instead of hosting yet another carnival or bake sale, Teller has Tellerpalooza, for instance: an annual family-friendly night of live music at the Mercury Cafe. And now, local fashion and design maven Tran Wills,…
When you work at a newspaper, people send you some pretty weird shit — I’ve got one guy, for example, that regularly leaves me hand-written notes and sculptures made out of coat-hanger and papier-mâché. That’s kind of charming, but this email I got today is just bizarre — and while…
A quick glance at A Knight’s Quest would probably make you think this is another old-school RPG clone, but trust us when we say that it’s not. It’s actually a pleasantly absurd, bizarre little game filled with so much oddball humor that, even if you don’t get all the pop…
It seems kind of self-evident that Harold Camping is a nut job. For the second time in an otherwise unremarkable career, Camping is currently garnering attention for yet another end-of-days prediction; using a formula of his own design, he claims to have mathematically calculated the date of the apocalypse –…
Named after magical spells from Harry Potter meaning light and dark, Lumos and Nox is a new clothing boutique for humans owned and operated by Tyler Lewis. A traveling kid, Lewis draws inspiration from the places he’s traveled to in his short 21 years of life. “I’ve hitchhiked, rode trains…
Nothing makes a better target for ironic mockery than sincerity, and when it comes to sincerity, hippies — with their happiness and their frolicking — are a reliable go-to. Whatever you say about them, though, they clearly know how to have a good time; at least, hippie-sympathizing writer Amber Taufen…
At Gettin’ Crafty this week, we take a break from crafting to admire the crafts of others. Namely the talented crafters and designers participating at the second annual Crafty Ballyhoo, put on by Denver Handmade Alliance. This event also served as an etiquette reminder of what to do, and not…
The end of the world is coming. It’s hard to say when, unless you’re evangelist Harold Camping, in which case you can feel pretty confident in saying that it’s coming… oh, around Saturday. For a few months now, Camping’s been touting his theory that the end times will arrive May…
You think you have a dirty mouth? Surely it doesn’t compare to Chelsea Handler’s, who told the audience all about her early days giving blow jobs as a high-school freshman last night at the Wells Fargo Theatre.Without further ado, Westword is proud to present the top ten penis jokes that…
Friday the 13th has been associated with a lot of creepy shit over the years. From various natural disasters to Tupac’s death, the date has been deemed unlucky by superstitious people everywhere. But rather than succumb to friggatriskaidekaphobia tomorrow and keep looking over your shoulder for Jason Voorhees, you can…
The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was one of the most controversial horror movies ever made — so controversial, in fact, that it was banned for many years in several countries. That statement wasn’t really the point of my rant the other day about the upcoming remake of Texas in 3D,…
Oh, Etsy.com. You’re like the website version of that overly supportive hippie school where everything everyone creates is great, because art is you and you are art, or whatever. Luckily for us realists, there’s Regretsy.com, a site that culls only the shittiest handmade stuff from Etsy (and various other crafting…
