Ode to a patio: I think that I shall never see/A patio as lovely when drinking Chablis. Or better yet, tequila. After the miserable winter we’ve endured, I’ve got the worst case of spring fever in the history of the world. While many people get out their Rollerblades, hiking shoes…
Have you ever felt really out of place? I’m not talking about the times you walked out of the can with toilet paper trailing from your pants, or even when, as a teenager, you had to skulk out of the classroom with your Trapper Keeper held low because at that…
Life after death. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that the owners of Vita, the Italian restaurant that opened in part of the old Olinger Mortuary in December, named their place after the Italian word for “life.” The interior is certainly lively enough, with its exposed brick, dark wood, leather booths…
I don’t like Sundays. You always feel like crap on Sunday and are most likely regretting something from the previous night. Or regretting that you have nothing to regret. In high school, we used to congregate at five o’clock mass to collect church bulletins and prove that we had cleansed…
It’s been more than a month, but we here at the Institute are still bitching about the Snickers Super Bowl commercial. That’s the one in which two guys accidentally touch lips and have to atone by doing several manly things, including ripping off chest hair and kicking each other in…
I often wonder if New Orleans boosters rue the day that a bartender invented the Hurricane, the city’s most popular cocktail. Prior to August 2005, when I thought of New Orleans, I thought of Mardi Gras, Jazzfest, Bourbon Street, bead-throwing, boob-showing and Hurricanes at Pat O’Brien’s — in that order…
Warm hut, cold heart. While skiing at Winter Park, I stopped at Sunspot — a gorgeous log-and-stone “lodge” with amazing panoramic views of the Continental Divide — for a toe warmer, otherwise known as a hot alcoholic beverage. But while this cozy area looked like the quintessential ski-resort bar, with…
There’s nothing quite as irritating as having your flight canceled after you’ve already checked in — especially when it’s not for some semi-understandable reason, like snow flurries or drizzle around DIA or a herpes outbreak at O’Hare. No, this inexplicable cancellation was because of weather on the East Coast the…
Just so you know, growing up and being forced to grow up are not the same. Growing up is a natural process for women and some men that involves moving away from home, getting productive jobs, marrying and having kids, and stopping all of the immature nonsense you thought was…
To say the PS Lounge is just a dive bar is like saying a limo is just a car, or a lion is just a cat. There’s no question that the PS Lounge is a dive — but the fact is, it might be Denver’s greatest dive. It has everything…
For those of you interested in ridding your frat party, wedding reception or bar of unwanted guests, the Institute can no longer recommend sounding the fire alarm. When I was in college, though, this was a highly effective method. We’d had to sneak into a frat party because the dirty…
Heaven on the 27th floor? I can only imagine what it’s like to work in a hotel bar. On a good day, you’re dealing with some heavy hitter with a sizable expense account who, after being over-served, might over-tip with the company credit card. But on most days, you’re serving…
We are proud to announce the arrival of the newest member of the Institute of Drinking Studies: Nathaniel Arthur Osborn. In true Osborn fashion, he is extraordinary in his own way, with his current claim to fame being that he was technically premature yet large for gestational age at seven…
I never imagined that Danny DeVito and I would have anything in common other than our adoration of George Clooney, but after seeing DeVito’s bad behavior on The View recently, I felt a kinship with him that I never expected to experience. “I knew it was the last seven Limoncellos…
Although last week’s melt helped, the overall number of traffic lanes in Denver is down about half from what it was in the summer. Many of the lanes carved out by cars/trucks are now fortified by ice, and driving outside the icy ruts is like taking a train off its…
At the Osborn house, we suffered a near-terminal case of cabin fever over the holidays. Part was imposed by the physical realities of the first blizzard. Another part was induced by the astronomical overreaction of greater Denver to the second storm bearing down on the area. Both were compounded by…
Generally speaking, members of the Institute of Drinking Studies do not espouse shallow thinking and judgment based on superficial qualities. But like all guys, we give the benefit of the doubt to women with large bosoms and/or risqué wardrobes. We also will side with our home team no matter who…
Mama, please let your babies grow up to be cowboys. I’ve always had a thing for cowboys, so I should have known we were in trouble when we sat down in the Cowboy Bar — a temporary saloon that sets up in the Hall of Education basement during every Stock…
In our continuing effort to make the world more amenable to the foibles of drinkers, the Institute of Drinking Studies is preparing a proposal for the National Institute of Health that’s certain to get us a large discretionary grant, since health care today is all about prevention: prevention of heart…
“You’re invited December 31 to the rawest fucking New Year’s Eve party! Leave the expensive hype and boring shit to the amateurs…bounce your ass all over the dance floor.” I’m willing to bet that this is not how Dick Clark envisions a “rockin’ New Year’s Eve.” In fact, the only…
By now you’ve dug out from under the mounds of wrapping paper and leftovers generated over the last few days and are almost ready to return to work so that you can start paying the minimum payments on your credit cards. Sure, Christmas is wonderful, especially for kids, but the…
Islamorada Fish Company 7970 East 49th Avenue 720-385-3600 Last weekend I really needed a change of scenery, but I got stuck working. So a friend and I headed to the Bass Pro Shop — which, while technically still in Denver, might as well be on the moon for most of…
