Is What’s So Funny really going to write about the Denver Broncos again? Doesn’t that little fancy-pantsed dandelion remember the outpouring of heinous, misspelled hate mail sent by the slack-jawed “Superfans” the last time he set pen to paper on the Donkeys? Is he really mimicking the disbelieving voice of…
According to Denver Post columnist David Harsanyi, “It’s the media’s job to make sure and report the news, not to make sure everybody gets along.” Lucky thing, because when it comes to immigration, an increasing number of Coloradans are miles apart philosophically, and members of the media often get caught…
A Wild Ride Concrete cowboys: Regarding Luke Turf’s “Road Rage,” in the January 19 issue: I can only agree that some “people drive like frickin’ idiots here.” How else can I explain the statistical fact that auto insurance here is at least twice (!) as high as when we lived…
The clock was pushing closer and closer toward three in the morning, and Jody Velarde had still not heard from her boy. For most mothers, this would not be that unusual; few expect to get a call from a grown son after he’s spent a night out on the town…
On March 28, 2005, toothpaste was Eli Harris Ashby’s top priority as he cruised toward home on his crotch rocket to pick up his girlfriend, Carly Drienka. The two were planning to go to Target so they could use a gift card to pick up some items — toothpaste, first…
Talk about a hard cell! In 1999, a Westword writer attended a national convention of prison vendors, which tried to sell him stun guns and water cannons, barbed wire and suicide-resistant toilets. The resulting article (“Captive Market,” August 26, 1999) featured photos of the more bizarre exhibits, including a Saddam…
The last decade has brought big changes to the Radio Bums — and all of them have been for the better. DJ Chonz, Francois Baptiste and Hakeem Abdul Khaaliq formed the Bums in 1996 to champion hip-hop’s music and lifestyle in a part of the country that was behind the…
Requiem Mourning becomes electric: Dave Herrera, your January 12 Beatdown was a beautiful article. I was sitting in a library to access my e-mail and got all choked up and teary-eyed in public. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my own dad (and best…
For some reason, Michael has taken his shoes off. He rubs his toes against the cold linoleum floor and giggles. “Are you going to mellow out, or are you going to be crazy like this all day?” “Crazy,” the six-year-old answers, turning up the end of the word like he’s…
The State Capitol was looking like a giant bruise at the start of this month — and the legislature hadn’t even gone into session yet. No, in the spirit of the holidays, Governor Bill Owens had ordered the place lit up for the first time in his seven-year tenure. But…
Like any good Colorado native, as a kid I was placed on a bus, Saturday after Saturday, and shipped off to the hills to learn how to ski. I do not recall requesting such a thing, nor do I recall being asked if this was an activity that I might…
Denver Post staffer Kevin Simpson was exhausted after completing December 18’s “Letting Go: Dylan’s Last Days,” a beautifully rendered tale about the agonizing decision by Dave Walborn and Kerri Bruning to withdraw life support from their young son, a victim of severe cerebral palsy whose condition was rapidly deteriorating. “You’re…
Downhill Eraser This boy’s life: Alan Prendergast’s “Throw It All Down,” in the January 5 issue, was the most amazing story I have read in years. I cannot believe how quickly his life went downhill. Rest in peace, Michael Lanahan. What a waste of a promising life! Laney Alvarez via…
Okay, so John Holly’s Asian Bistro in Lone Tree isn’t Super Star Asian (the incredible dim sum place at 2200 West Alameda) or the old Mee Yee Lin (another incredible dim sum place that became a merely passable dim sum place with great shu mai and incredible dumpling soup after…
That was a crazy game of poker I lost it all But someday I’ll be back again And I’m never to fall Never to fall never to fall. ‘Crazy Game of Poker,’ OAR The Messenger Billy Flores had just finished dinner with his grandparents in California when he checked his…
Shortly after 9 p.m. Wednesday, in those dull days between Christmas and New Year’s — days whose dullness can only be brightened by a couple of cocktails in LoDo — Off Limits was just pulling out of a parking spot on Wynkoop Street when we heard a tap on the…
Have you seen What’s So Funny around lately? If not, you haven’t been paying attention, sucka. Because I am what the kids call “on the scene.” Not a day goes by when you can’t catch me fox-trotting down the 16th Street Mall, deftly avoiding eye contact with the imploring homeless…
Burn, Baby, Burn Punk’d: In response to Patricia Calhoun’s “Hall of Shame” column in the December 29 issue, we of the alleged “hippie-kid collective” would like to say that we are not fucking hippies. Just today, we drank 42 beers and upper-decked a Whole Foods toilet. We are punks, dammit…
Shame was the name of the game in 2005. Just when it seemed this state’s bad behavior had gotten as low as it could go, the bottom dropped out — or, in the case of Bob Dougherty, the Home Depot party pooper, the bottom stuck smack in the forefront of…
Panty Raid Grand Marnier bases a national ad campaign on Vail’s infamous Panty Tree, which blooms annually with scores of colorful girls’ panties. The tagline for the ads, which begin running in Ski magazine, reads: “You Just Recognized a Pair of Panties in the Sun Down Bowl Tree…The Conversation Is…
Well, gang, it’s been one hell of a year, and What’s So Funny is officially spent. Really, we’re fucking exhausted. Beat. Sapped. Expended. Out of gas. It’s gotten so bad that we’ve simply started listing synonyms in an effort to make this column long enough to declare it finished –…
Just after midnight, the bus broke down outside Salina, Kansas. It was George Walker’s 24th birthday, but he wasn’t thinking about cakes or candles or celebrations or anything like that. He was thinking that he’d been on the Greyhound for almost two days, all 325 pounds of him stuffed into…
