Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow

The news spread faster than a beer spilling down the 72 foot (or 70.1 foot, depending on who’s measuring) bar at Duffy’s Shamrock on Court Place. The joint was closing — soon. Everyone had accepted that someday the owners, the Lombardi brothers, would sell the building that occupied a prime…

Full Circle

“I’m real optimistic about everything going on,” Eddie Maestas said, gazing out the window of Johnnie’s Market at the changing landscape of Larimer Street. “I see nothing but good for this area. I just hope God gives me enough time to see it through.” By then, in the fall of…

Fowl Play

Dear Mexican: My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. After several weeks of watching the channel, he noticed that there are always…

Hick’s Hiccup

Last Tuesday was not John Hickenlooper’s day. Had he caught all the woo pitched his way a year ago and made a run for governor, he probably would have been elected. Instead, his town was having trouble electing anyone, thanks to the disastrous performance of the Denver Election Commission…

On Call

I got fucked by a male escort. Was it good for you? At 5:05 a.m. last Wednesday, Peter Boyles was telling his KHOW audience about an e-mail he’d gotten from a man who would be on the air that morning, talking about a prominent religious figure who’d gone to him…

Lords of the Dance

Dear Mexican: Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into it, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. Within minutes, half of them were going up and…

Buried Alive

Karl Rove’s Republican Party got wiped off the map yesterday. But the White House strategist has seen that before. Rove spent his early years in Kokomo, a town founded on the west side of Fremont Pass during the 1881 silver strike; the town boomed again during the glory years of…

All Aboard

Five minutes before the polls opened this morning, signs pushing Bill Ritter sprouted every few feet along Speer Boulevard. His name was everywhere — so omnipresent, in fact, that it was hard to remember that at this time last year, the Colorado Democratic Party was still on the Anyone But…

Party On

Denver will host the 2008 Democratic National Convention. Not because the Democratic Party will win big in this state on Tuesday — although it will. And not because Denver went through such contortions to guarantee a union hotel — although it did, with the Hyatt Regency recognizing UNITE-HERE in September…

Taking the Fifth

You know your candidacy is in trouble when you hope that Dick Cheney, that man of the people, might be able to bring some votes your way. Still, the veep will be in Colorado Springs tomorrow to help push Republican Doug Lamborn’s chances in the fifth congressional district. There’s only…

Tongue Twister

Dear Mexican: A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? El Gabacho Guapo Dear Handsome Gabacho: Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by referring…

The Early Bird Feels Like a Worm

It felt traitorous to vote early. I’d never done so before, partly because it always seemed rather undignified to fill out a ballot at the same place I’d buy broccoli, but also because I was loyal to my old polling place, located in a rehab center where the residents considered…

Play Bawl!

As a kid growing up in Colorado, Andrew Lee loved the Denver Broncos. He discovered his love of politics a little later — when his mother, an immigrant from southern China, decided that her son, the only Chinese kid in his middle school, should learn more about their culture…and rented…

Keeping Up With the Jones

She fought the urge. She really did. But finally, she surrendered. “Someone’s gotta do it,” Lisa Jones says, and sighs. Or, as her new website, VoterJones: The Fix Is In (www.voterjones.com), puts it: “Many voters suspect that the Denver Election Commission is messed up somehow. The purpose of this is…

There Goes the Neighborhood!

Dear Mexican: It’s hard out here for a brotha! First we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin’ Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and…

Following a Leak to its Source

At 11:15 this morning, Bob Beauprez will hold a press conference to discuss “the source of information regarding Bill Ritter’s plea bargains for criminal aliens.” That someone leaked info isn’t really the story, though — or it shouldn’t be. Journalists depend on leaks, and someone clearly leaked much of the…

Single Minded

It’s tough to end an interview with this question: “Oh, by the way, were you ever a neo-Nazi?” It’s tough, but it’s tougher to suffer through what can happen if you don’t ask that question. We learned that the hard way a few months ago, when we ran a light-hearted…

Tabloid Nation

On Monday night, John Mark Karr faced the camera, wearing only slightly less eye makeup than JonBenét in full pageant regalia, and told Larry King that he was a “very private person.” What a difference a decade makes. Back in early January 1997, a week after the lifeless body of…

The Light Stuff

Dear Mexican: I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face makeup. Why is it that Mexican men find my pallor so fascinating? Fair Maiden Dear Gabacha: BECAUSE YOU’RE WHITE. Mexicans love gabachos even though you’ve fucked our country…

Everyone’s a Winner in Menver

It was an ugly Sunday morning at the Las Vegas airport, with lines stretching for hours and a flood of overbookings after Saturday’s torrential downpour had washed away flights. The fellow at the far bar on the D concourse was holding his head and his wallet, having just shelled out…

A Nobel Calling

Up in Arvada, there’s an intense interest in who will win the Nobel Peace Prize each year. That’s because PeaceJam, the international organization dedicated to linking Nobel Peace Prize winners with kids to teach them how to improve their communities, their countries, the world, is based in that ‘burb. In…

Haiti, Bar the Door

Dear Mexican: How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs, yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and economic…