The week in Bon AppeTweets: Desperate man faults a full house for his divorce

Starting today, and every Friday until we get stampeded by a muster of peacocks, we’re serving a full course of Bon AppeTweets, a smorgasbord of weird, humorous and noteworthy food fodder, digested into 140 characters or less. What’s on the plate this week? A man pleads for a dinner reservation to save his marriage, Facebook slaughter king Mark Zuckerberg slays animals with his own gold-gilded hands, and a butthead blames Indian food for his flatulence.

Man walks into restaurant “In DESPERATE need of table tonight”,”Fully booked” waiter says. “Asshole, you just got me divorced” man repliesless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet ReplyRene RedzepiReneRedzepiNoma

10: Rene Redzepi

Mark Zuckerberg has vowed to kill what he eats. Animals should consider denying any of his Facebook friend requests. http://t.co/a0WSOLsless than a minute ago via Twitter for Mac Favorite Retweet ReplyRuth BourdainRuthBourdain

9. Ruth Bourdain, whose next move will be adopting all the animals in Farmville.

“You’re the critic? I’m the psychic. Nice to meet you.” @How2Live4everless than a minute ago via ÜberSocial Favorite Retweet Replyjonathan goldthejgold

8. Jonathan Gold

I see the world is going to end Saturday. I certainly hope we get to finish dinner. #fbless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplyGael GreeneGaelGreene

7. Gael Greene

“I didn’t say Judgment Day. I said Judge MINT Day. Which is better Mentos or Tic Tacs? Hope there wasn’t any confussion.” – Godless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplyJim GaffiganJimGaffigan

6. Jim Gaffigan, who likes that minty, fresh feeling.

My farts smell like Indian food. I feel blessed.less than a minute ago via qTweeter Favorite Retweet ReplyMark McCallumnicewithcheese

5. Mark McCallum, who we never want sitting with us in the backseat.

Ladies, gents, please remember that it is #fleetweek protocol to buy the drinks of the service members you see in bars and restaurants. #opsless than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplySam SiftonSamSifton

4. Sam Sifton

Sometimes I wish I was a food critic so I could get all the free food I wantless than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® Favorite Retweet Replysham micheleLuvMindBodySoul

3. Sham Michele, who should consider retracting that statement if she really wants to be a food critic.

“Farm-to-FORK?” That actually appeared on a press release I just got. This will never, ever end.less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet ReplyFrank BruniFrankBruni

2. Frank Bruni

In Australia for The Rapture. It’s happening, man! And they’re giving out swag bags!less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPad Favorite Retweet ReplyAnthony BourdainNoReservations

1. Anthony Bourdain

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