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Feeling Twitter-pated?
The Rocky Mountain News‘s experimentation with the Twitter micro-blogging service during the Democratic National Convention was kinda silly due in part to its staffers’ frequent misspellings, but the crazy pace of the event at least partly justified its use. Not so the funeral of three-year-old Marten Kudlis, who was killed when Francis Hernandez, an illegal immigrant with a horrendous driving record, crashed into an ice-cream store. Clear your desk of any sharp objects, because when you read the entries by reporter Berny Morson below, there’s a good chance your jaw will drop onto it — hard.
RMN_Berny: family members shovel earth into grave Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:40 a.m.RMN_Berny: rabbi calls end to ceremony Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:28 a.m.
RMN_Berny: rabbi chanting final prayer in hebrew Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:27 a.m.
RMN_Berny: earth being placed on coffin. Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:22 a.m.
RMN_Berny: rabbi recites the main hebrew prayer of death Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:20 a.m.
RMN_Berny: rabbi zucker praying Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:18 a.m.
RMN_Berny: coffin lowered into ground Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:18 a.m.
RMN_Berny: people gathering at graveside Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:14 a.m.
RMN_Berny: procession begins Wednesday, Sep. 10, 11:01 a.m.
Morson’s not to blame for the lameness of these entries, which suggest a golfing commentator whispering at green-side while Tiger Woods lines up a putt. After all, Twittering a child’s funeral is a mission more doomed than Jimmy Carter’s attempt to rescue those hostages from Iran back in the day. The results are self-satirizing in the most morbid, inappropriate way possible.
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Micro-blog that. — Michael Roberts
