Vampire made me crash my SUV, woman says

With Eclipse, the latest film in the über-popular Twlight series, due to hit theaters nationwide today, Americans everywhere have vampires on their mind.

But a Fruita area woman was ahead of the bloodsucking curve. After she crashed her SUV on Sunday evening, she reportedly told state troopers a vampire made her do it.

According to KKCO-TV in Grand Junction, the woman told state troopers that she was driving on a dirt road near Fruita when a vampire appeared, causing her to back her SUV into a ditch.

In a followup, the station added this detail: “State Troopers do not believe drugs or alcohol were factors in this crash, but say the woman may not have taken certain medications that day.”

If skipping meds would produce visions of vampires, plenty of people would sign up these days.

In an attempt to learn more, we contacted Trooper Nate Reid, a spokesman for the Colorado State Patrol, who shared the disappointingly bare-bones report generated by the accident. Reid says the incident took place at 9:25 p.m. Sunday at Canal Road, one mile west of 20 Road. The driver, whom he identified as Susan Eggen, born in 1952, was behind the wheel of a 2002 Chevrolet Blazer. The narrative reads:

“Vehicle one was backing southbound down the Canal Road. Vehicle one traveled off the right side of the road, where it rolled into a ditch. Vehicle one came to rest facing northbound on its side in a ditch.”

That’s it. No mention of either a black-caped man with slicked-back hair and an absurd accent or a staggeringly handsome, pale complected teen with a brooding expression and an ability to smolder despite being cold-blooded. Such info may be in Eggen’s statement, but Reid can’t release that.

And why didn’t the officers who responded to the scene slip a little fang into their version? “We investigate crashes,” Reid says. “We don’t investigate vampires.”

Well, isn’t it about time you started?