It is still well before lunchtime, and Loren Newton is on a road west of Denver, headed toward Morrison for his fourth corpse of the day. He is at the wheel of his car–a big, bizarrely retrofitted station wagon that, at the moment, has no body in the back. He…
All wet: Whitewater spilled over into Denver last week with President Bill Clinton’s televised explanation of why he’d misstated the size of the Clintons’ loss on the land deal. That loss–estimated at $68,900 for the past two years–was actually about $22,000 less, Clinton said, blaming the discrepancy on an inaccurate…
These are strange days in the arenas and on the playing fields, wouldn’t you say? The White Sox have sent nagging irritant Michael Jordan down to Single A, and the United States government is sending the Patriots to South Korea–probably because they haven’t won the AFC East in about a…
In order to maintain his buffness, Playgirl’s Man for March Greg Lane eats practically no fat at all. He says this caused his blood cells to get “all clumped up.” Luckily, a blood doctor told him to eat mass quantities of broccoli, and he was cured. At the moment, Greg…
The so-called “pay-to-play” municipal finance racket appears headed out the window, and with it a bountiful source of campaign money for elected officials throughout the United States–including Denver mayor Wellington Webb. Within the next few weeks, the Securities and Exchange Commission in Washington, D.C., is expected to enact a rule…
Suffering from insomnia? Irritability? Fatigue, angst or general malaise? Maybe it’s time to pull the plug. Charles Bolta will be happy to do it for you. One of only twenty electro-ecologists in the country, he tests houses for electromagnetic fields (EMFs). A former lighting designer (and self-described “hippie-turned-new-ager”), the appropriately…
Leave Us a Loan Congratulations to Patricia Calhoun for cutting through all the crap the mayor’s office has been handing out about Denver International Airport (and Denver’s daily papers and TV stations swallow). Her March 23 column, “Loan Sharks,” was the only honest piece of journalism I’ve seen on this…
Julie Ireland storms into rehearsal, late, her long dress and long hair streaming behind her, her bare feet stomping along. “These guys are very, very fast,” she says of the comedy group she is about to direct. “Anything you teach them, they suck up like a sponge, although there’s quite…
The municipal judge in Edgewater is a convicted felon and former mental patient, but he’s considered an improvement over his predecessor. That judge reportedly was fired because he couldn’t seem to make it to court on time. The town’s police chief carries out “reverse stings,” in essence importing criminals to…
Pew-nitive damages: “Go thy way, and sin no more without consulting us first.” That was the word handed down from the Church of World Peace (whose international headquarters is located in Denver) to Tonya Harding and Michael Jackson, both of whom received plenary indulgences for their sins–perceived or real–from the…
This March Madness thing now has two lunatic faces–one male and one female. It wasn’t always so. Just a generation ago, the only women you saw around college gyms in the spring were waving pompons or cheering for their boyfriends. Through no fault of its own, women’s basketball was cause…
Construction delays at Denver International Airport have grounded a key DIA side project: the “Air Train,” the city’s sole attempt at providing efficient mass transit to the distant facility. “Definitely the fact that we’ve rescheduled the opening has put the Air Train on the back burner,” says Mike Dino, an…
A city bureaucrat’s pet pig has given new meaning to the term pork-barrel politics. In 1992 Carol Moran, the administrative assistant to current Denver City Council president Dave Doering, brought a Vietnamese pot-bellied piglet home to the Capitol Hill apartment building she owned with then-friend Karen Christiansen. Louise, as the…
The Girl Can’t Help It I read the “The Girl Next Door” by Andrea Barnett in the March 16 issue. Being a former racist, I understand the white pride issue. I am white and am very proud of my race. I think everyone should be proud of who they are…
To anyone who has ever lived in a small town, the characters are as familiar as Main Street: The judge with the smudged reputation. The curmudgeon who criticizes everyone in a public position. The inveterate writer of letters to the editor whose conspiratorial diatribes seem to contain a grain of…
Pat Rossiter is contemplating taxi-driver etiquette. It would be permissible, he thinks, to yell, “Hey, pal, your iambic pentameter stinks,” over the radio. Something truly vulgar, however, would not be. And should a cabdriver ever attempt to interrupt a live, on-the-air poetry recitation–well, that would be a “capital offense.” These…
Lance Clem can talk for hours about what’s wrong with the way millions of dollars designed to help people infected with the AIDS virus are being spent in the Denver area. But talk like that, he says, cost him his job as the executive director of the Governor’s AIDS Council…
Brooke Wolff doesn’t stand out from all the other blue-eyed, sandy-haired, fair-faced seniors pictured in the 1993 Highlands Ranch High School yearbook. But while other graduates’ names are followed by lists of activities–band, color guard, honor roll, swimming–Wolff’s stands alone. “My high school is like Beverly Hills 90210–there’s cappuccino and…
Melting down: Rocky Flats’ contamination isn’t limited to the Jefferson County facility. Washington lawyer Jonathan Turley is plenty hot over the Denver Post’s “Perspective” section, particularly its editor, Al Knight. Last month Turley was invited to speak about environmental crimes and, not incidentally, his most controversial clients–the Rocky Flats grand…
Let’s tear ourselves away from the war in Bosnia and the Tonya Rodham Clinton scandal for a moment to discuss something important–starting pitching. If your Colorado Rockies are to (dare we whisper it?) contend in the Nouveau National League West this season, their starters will have to throw something smaller…
His Gala Friday From reading Patricia Calhoun’s “The Party’s Over” in the March 9 issue, I can only assume that her upset with Denver International Airport was caused by everyone’s failure to invite her to the party. My real question: If she’s so upset with everything here, why did she…
Platteville veterinarian Tim Thompson has seen his share of beastly behavior, but the news that he’s working closely with the Antichrist himself comes as a bit of a shock. “Well no, I wasn’t aware of that,” he says. “Wow.” To understand exactly how his veterinary research ties into the imminent…
