Dear Mexican: I am an illegal alien who just turned eighteen. Is there anything I can do to become a legal alien besides deportation or marrying a U.S. citizen?Wetback Who Wants to Dry His Back Dear Wab: Go back to Mexico — seriously. Section 212(a)(9)(B)(iii)(I) of the United States Immigration…
Actor John Ashton addressed the Colorado Legislature Tuesday, urging lawmakers to support a new economic incentive for moviemakers. No, not that John Ashton. The guy testifying was the John Ashton of Beverly Hills Cop, who now lives in Fort Collins. Colorado’s original John Ashton — John C. Ashton, to be…
Dear Mexican: Mexicans are angry that the United States might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these Mexicans. Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans have padrinos for everything?The Godfather Fan Dear Wab: Many gabachos have long wondered about the galaxy of godparents who surround Mexicans from birth to death, but it’s no misterio. Ostensibly, godparents (padrino is a godfather, madrina is a godmother, and padrinos means “godparents”) are individuals…
Dear Mexican: Why won’t Mexicans vote for a black man?Hillary Hater Dear Readers: Dozens of ustedes have sent the above question since the Iowa caucus, forwarded mainstream media reports on this supposed phenomenon, and cringed with me when pundits took as gospel this assertion by Hillary Clinton pollster Sergio Bendixen…
Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time getting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natural ports, super-generous and good-looking neighbors, and plenty of laborers who seem to be willing to do all sorts of crappy jobs. But instead of having a…
Dear Mexican: My parents were Greeks who legally immigrated to the United States in 1920. When it became harder for Greeks to immigrate, they began to jump ship in New York. My father referred to them as “bananas — fresh off the boat,” but it was mostly an affectionate name…
Dear Mexican: After working with Mexicans for years, I have noticed that Mexican men have a double standard when it comes to homosexuality. Why is it that the “giver” is not regarded as being just as gay as the “receiver”?El Vaquero Dear Cowboy Gabacho: I think all heterosexual societies condemn…
Dear Readers: Mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypal Mexican dogs and the propensity of wabs to DUI. Let’s empezar with the doggies: Dear Mexican: You’re right about Chihuahuas. Crazy, tough dogs. I’m a dog rescuer (www.geocities.com/st-roch), and we once found a Chihuahua in a box by the…
Drink up! Representative Jerry Frangas has moved to protect one of Denver’s most liquid assets: First Friday, the art events that every month draw thousands of people to gallery-heavy districts around Denver – including Tennyson Street, where Frangas first encountered the event. There are also First Friday celebrations in Rino…
Dear Mexican: At a weekly Doors tribute-band gig, I’ve noticed that the majority of the crowd is Mexican. I swear, sometimes it seems like the crowd missed the exit to the Lupillo Rivera show or a Maná concert. Never realized that Jim Morrison was the equal of Morrissey and Charles…
We are not on trial for the DNC. I am not a member of Re-create 68,” Glenn Morris told the court. “We are on trial for what happened on October 6, 2007.” What happened then is still a matter of dispute — but one thing is certain: Something very like…
The Colorado Statehouse goes live at 1 p.m. today — and not a moment too soon. When Speaker Andrew Romanoff, et. al., decided to start broadcasting their sessions (at coloradochannel.net and Comcast’s channel 165), they didn’t have any idea that they’d be getting a mid-season star: Doug Bruce. “Our goal…
Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of DUIs and alcohol-related traffic fatalities of any ethnic group (60 percent, as opposed to 40 percent for Caucasians, and substantially higher than any other Latino group). I apologize that my question isn’t wisecracky, but…
At 6 a.m. Tuesday, Fox News reported that it had already received over a thousand e-mails from viewers discussing Hillary Clinton tearing up the day before in New Hampshire — and over 40 percent didn’t believe they were real tears. “Some people think elections are a game, lots of who’s…
The best defense is a good offense. Friday was David Lane’s birthday, and the criminal defense attorney gave himself a present by wreaking some legal havoc. When Claudia Jordan, the Denver County Court judge presiding over a hearing for some of the 83 Columbus Day protesters, announced that potential witnesses…
Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on the left side of page 54, verse 6, it says, “There shall none…
Dear Mexican: As everyone knows, dogs seem to reflect their master’s personalities. Likewise, the breeds invented by a nation say a lot about that nation. Germans bred the German shepherd and Rottweilers: smart, loyal, faithful yet a little cold, and not the kind of dogs you want to piss off…
Dear Readers: Gracias, thank you, gracias for another successful year. The Mexican now appears in 32 newspapers across the country, with a weekly circulation of just over two million! As more readers join the Reconquista, many ask the same preguntas about the column’s methodology, philosophy and generous use of the…
“It’s sad.” All day, the shoppers keep coming into All American Vogue, pausing to look at the Fiesta ware, to read the anti-Bush bumperstickers, to finger that ’50s jacket they’ve fingered so many times before, and then to stop before the man standing behind the counter. The stretch of Broadway…
Just in time for the holiday crush, Denver International Airport has a new attraction — and no, it’s not the bathroom where Idaho senator Larry Craig reportedly issued another one of his wide-stance invitations (“Stalled,” December 6). This attraction encourages travelers to join another mile-high club altogether, by having their…
Dear Mexican: USA citizens are sick and tired that for more than forty years, Latin American elites have lived like monarchs because they pimp their poor to American businesses for cheap labor that American taxpayers have been forced to subsidize with health care, food, housing, education and so forth, costing…
