Zero Population

Dear Mexican: I’m sad that there aren’t more Mexicans here in the Detroit area. We’re one of the few areas in the country that is predominantly Catholic. We’ve welcomed wave after wave of Catholic immigrants for well over a hundred years, and they’ve intermingled and blended into our local society…

Larry Craig Shlepped Here!

“Flying out tomorrow morning…been penned up with my parents all weekend. I see adds on here occasionally for sex at DIA…can that really happen? Love to suck cock and get sucked,” writes one eager poster in the “men seeking men” section of craigslist. “Stuck at dia in red carpet club,”…

A Real Bitch-Hunt

John McCain stood up to his North Vietnamese interrogators, but he caved last month when an elderly supporter asked, “How do we beat the bitch?” Rather than refuse to answer the query (or point out that she wouldn’t ask “How do we beat the prick?”), he called it an “excellent…

Cheese Quiz

Dear Mexican: I was born in beautiful El Paso, and my parents are from Juaritos. I always wondered why Mexican restaurants en los Estados Unidos use queso amarillo — which I associate with los Estados Unidos — on their food instead of queso asadero or queso Oaxaca, which taste so…

Stranger in a Strange Land

Dear Mexican: With a scant four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents for my future cuñadas, sobrinas y mi mera suegra, I found myself terror-stricken tonight as mi novio and I watched a home video of his family doing…

Hot Wheels

Dear Mexican: What’s the deal with Spanish-language car-dealership commercials that feature bikini-clad porn-star wannabes copulating with used cars? I just saw one where three girls were rubbing melted chocolate on each other. Surely no one in mainstream Caucasian America could get away with such overtly sexual, misogynistic advertising. Does this…

Greetings from DIA

Maybe all it took was Sunday’s visit from Mary Peters, the Transportation secretary, who vowed to keep the nation’s airports operating through the holidays — and choose Denver as the poster child for last year’s dysfunctional flying. Maybe it was the holiday entertainment that kicked off yesterday, which translated to…

Getting Denver Ready for the DNC

Hundreds of journalists descended on Denver this week for a Democratic National Convention briefing at the Pepsi Center, just a taste of the tens of thousands who will hit this city next August. On Monday night, many of those journalists got their own first taste of Denver at a reception…

Thats Sick!

Dear Mexican: Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to eighty hospitals in California have been closed down because of the illegals, or is he lying?Cabrones No Necesitamos Dear CNN: Dobbs is right to a certain point, and only in spite of his idiocy. The father of two…

Beaner Bawl

Dear Mexican: I like to think that I’m an open-minded sorta guy for a teenager. I fervently oppose racial stereotypes, though I do think they’re sometimes good for a laugh or two. I have several Mexican friends, and none of them live up to the “Mexican standard” of lawn-mowing, stupidity…

Dead Letter Day

Dear Mexican: How do I go to the Mexican grocery store and bakery to buy supplies for our Día de los Muertos party without looking like I’m doing the kitschy-goofy thing I’m doing? I walk up to the register and smile ingratiatingly, saying “Gracias” as usual — but a basketful…

Help, I’m Dating a Mexican!

Dear Mexican: Why do so many of my peers assume I must have low self-esteem just because I’m dating a Mexican guy? I finally found someone with my same values who treats me way better than any gringo I ever dated. The same women who complain about “sleazy” Mexican men…

Dinger Bell

“The Rockies mascot is named Dinger,” comedian Jay Mohr wrote in “It Sucks to Be Them,” a piece on SI.com. “He is a big, fat, purple dinosaur who sports a baby T-shirt that barely covers his nipples. According to the web site, Dinger travels the land promoting physical fitness and…

Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow

At Sunday’s game, I sat next to two fellows who said they were with the brewers. In town for the Great American Beer Festival? No, with the Milwaukee Brewers, they corrected me, and since their team beat the Padres, the Rockies really owed them some thanks. Or at least a…

The Mexican Dismembers History

Dear Mexican: What is it with the Mexican hangup on body parts? When General Antonio López de Santa Anna was struck by a cannonball in one of his 8,000 wars, his right leg was removed from the knee down. When he returned to Mexico City, he ordered that a state…

Ballot Up!

Timing is everything. Imagine that you’re the mayor of a big city with some big, expensive ballot issues coming up — an alphabet soup of nine proposals that would fund assorted infrastructure repairs around town to the tune of well over $500 million. What day would you want those big,…

Rock Bottom

Dinger must go. The most embarrassing mascot in the major leagues is a fossil on the field. Dinger should be as dead as a dodo. Last week, as the Colorado Rockies clinched their place in the playoffs by beating the Padres, a sister who’d been watching the game in New…

Fire and Ice

Westword was going to challenge our partner paper, Phoenix New Times, to a bet on the outcome of the Rockies/Diamondback series — but we couldn’t think of anything we wanted from Phoenix. A downtown that’s a ghost town at night, instead of the party that LoDo has become almost every…

Has-Beans

Dear Mexican: We were in a restaurant the other day, eating refried beans and green chile, when I overheard some gringos in the next booth making fun of Mexicans. One thing they said that really made me mad was, “Why do Mexicans refry their beans? Stupid Mexicans! Don’t they know…

Carlos Mencia: Racist Jerk or Thieving Jerk?

Dear Mexican: I’m a minority, and I know we can be overly sensitive sometimes, but I just can’t stand Carlos Mencia. Not only are his jokes asinine, but I feel they are actually racist. Whereas Dave Chappelle tried to make fun of society’s racist thoughts, Mencia seems to promote them…

Art Attack!

Look for art to break out all over the mall during Denver Arts Week, which runs October 5-12 (for details, go to the Night & Day section of the October 4 Westword). But in fact, you can expect art to break out even earlier, since a few underground-art types, concerned…

They Like Us, They Really Like Us

Denver has always been the Sally Field of cities, grateful for the slightest nod of recognition from the national media. Under normal circumstances, the filming of an Eddie Murphy movie in this town — Nowhereland, for example, which is currently shooting around Denver — would be front-page news. But these…