Dear Mexican: Our customer-service department uses a phone-tree system that asks callers to press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish, and a few other numbers for commonly spoken languages in our area. I handle customer complaints as part of my job, and I get a surprising number of complaints from…
Dear Mexican: On my desk is a levy from the Internal Revenue Service for over $12,000 in unpaid taxes. Turns out some dude used my Social Security number for two years in Albuquerque and didn’t bother to pay taxes. It’s taken me plenty in time and attorney’s fees to figure…
Dear Mexican: Why are indigenous peoples from north of the Rio Grande called redskins and those from south of it called brown-skinned?El Hijo del Paleface Dear Gabacho: “Redskin” dates back to the sixteenth century, but its etymology is still being debated. Some historians say it’s a reference to scalping, others…
Dear Mexican: I’m a gay man in his mid-thirties who has always loved Mexican men. And this question is not only from my experience, but also that of friends: Why is it that Mexican men are so flaky? They seem the top offending ethnicity in this. And by flaky, I…
Dear Mexican: I am an illegal alien who just turned eighteen. Is there anything I can do to become a legal alien besides deportation or marrying a U.S. citizen?Wetback Who Wants to Dry His Back Dear Wab: Go back to Mexico — seriously. Section 212(a)(9)(B)(iii)(I) of the United States Immigration…
Dear Mexican: Mexicans are angry that the United States might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these Mexicans. Let’s say I break into your house. Let’s say…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans have padrinos for everything?The Godfather Fan Dear Wab: Many gabachos have long wondered about the galaxy of godparents who surround Mexicans from birth to death, but it’s no misterio. Ostensibly, godparents (padrino is a godfather, madrina is a godmother, and padrinos means “godparents”) are individuals…
Dear Mexican: Why won’t Mexicans vote for a black man?Hillary Hater Dear Readers: Dozens of ustedes have sent the above question since the Iowa caucus, forwarded mainstream media reports on this supposed phenomenon, and cringed with me when pundits took as gospel this assertion by Hillary Clinton pollster Sergio Bendixen…
Dear Mexican: Why do you suppose Mexico has such a hard time getting its act together? It has vast natural resources, good climate, natural ports, super-generous and good-looking neighbors, and plenty of laborers who seem to be willing to do all sorts of crappy jobs. But instead of having a…
Dear Mexican: My parents were Greeks who legally immigrated to the United States in 1920. When it became harder for Greeks to immigrate, they began to jump ship in New York. My father referred to them as “bananas — fresh off the boat,” but it was mostly an affectionate name…
Dear Mexican: After working with Mexicans for years, I have noticed that Mexican men have a double standard when it comes to homosexuality. Why is it that the “giver” is not regarded as being just as gay as the “receiver”?El Vaquero Dear Cowboy Gabacho: I think all heterosexual societies condemn…
Dear Readers: Mucho feedback from ustedes regarding recent questions about archetypal Mexican dogs and the propensity of wabs to DUI. Let’s empezar with the doggies: Dear Mexican: You’re right about Chihuahuas. Crazy, tough dogs. I’m a dog rescuer (www.geocities.com/st-roch), and we once found a Chihuahua in a box by the…
Dear Mexican: At a weekly Doors tribute-band gig, I’ve noticed that the majority of the crowd is Mexican. I swear, sometimes it seems like the crowd missed the exit to the Lupillo Rivera show or a Maná concert. Never realized that Jim Morrison was the equal of Morrissey and Charles…
Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of DUIs and alcohol-related traffic fatalities of any ethnic group (60 percent, as opposed to 40 percent for Caucasians, and substantially higher than any other Latino group). I apologize that my question isn’t wisecracky, but…
Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on the left side of page 54, verse 6, it says, “There shall none…
Dear Mexican: As everyone knows, dogs seem to reflect their master’s personalities. Likewise, the breeds invented by a nation say a lot about that nation. Germans bred the German shepherd and Rottweilers: smart, loyal, faithful yet a little cold, and not the kind of dogs you want to piss off…
Dear Readers: Gracias, thank you, gracias for another successful year. The Mexican now appears in 32 newspapers across the country, with a weekly circulation of just over two million! As more readers join the Reconquista, many ask the same preguntas about the column’s methodology, philosophy and generous use of the…
Dear Mexican: USA citizens are sick and tired that for more than forty years, Latin American elites have lived like monarchs because they pimp their poor to American businesses for cheap labor that American taxpayers have been forced to subsidize with health care, food, housing, education and so forth, costing…
Dear Mexican: I’m sad that there aren’t more Mexicans here in the Detroit area. We’re one of the few areas in the country that is predominantly Catholic. We’ve welcomed wave after wave of Catholic immigrants for well over a hundred years, and they’ve intermingled and blended into our local society…
Dear Mexican: I was born in beautiful El Paso, and my parents are from Juaritos. I always wondered why Mexican restaurants en los Estados Unidos use queso amarillo — which I associate with los Estados Unidos — on their food instead of queso asadero or queso Oaxaca, which taste so…
Dear Mexican: With a scant four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents for my future cuñadas, sobrinas y mi mera suegra, I found myself terror-stricken tonight as mi novio and I watched a home video of his family doing…
Dear Mexican: What’s the deal with Spanish-language car-dealership commercials that feature bikini-clad porn-star wannabes copulating with used cars? I just saw one where three girls were rubbing melted chocolate on each other. Surely no one in mainstream Caucasian America could get away with such overtly sexual, misogynistic advertising. Does this…
