Dear Mexican: Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to eighty hospitals in California have been closed down because of the illegals, or is he lying?Cabrones No Necesitamos Dear CNN: Dobbs is right to a certain point, and only in spite of his idiocy. The father of two…
Dear Mexican: I like to think that I’m an open-minded sorta guy for a teenager. I fervently oppose racial stereotypes, though I do think they’re sometimes good for a laugh or two. I have several Mexican friends, and none of them live up to the “Mexican standard” of lawn-mowing, stupidity…
Dear Mexican: How do I go to the Mexican grocery store and bakery to buy supplies for our Día de los Muertos party without looking like I’m doing the kitschy-goofy thing I’m doing? I walk up to the register and smile ingratiatingly, saying “Gracias” as usual — but a basketful…
Dear Mexican: Why do so many of my peers assume I must have low self-esteem just because I’m dating a Mexican guy? I finally found someone with my same values who treats me way better than any gringo I ever dated. The same women who complain about “sleazy” Mexican men…
Dear Mexican: What is it with the Mexican hangup on body parts? When General Antonio López de Santa Anna was struck by a cannonball in one of his 8,000 wars, his right leg was removed from the knee down. When he returned to Mexico City, he ordered that a state…
Dear Mexican: We were in a restaurant the other day, eating refried beans and green chile, when I overheard some gringos in the next booth making fun of Mexicans. One thing they said that really made me mad was, “Why do Mexicans refry their beans? Stupid Mexicans! Don’t they know…
Dear Mexican: I’m a minority, and I know we can be overly sensitive sometimes, but I just can’t stand Carlos Mencia. Not only are his jokes asinine, but I feel they are actually racist. Whereas Dave Chappelle tried to make fun of society’s racist thoughts, Mencia seems to promote them…
Dear Mexican: After the great migration of Jews to this nation, a question was posed: “How long does it take a Jew to go from being a street sweeper to becoming a corporate attorney?” The answer: “One generation.” Not so for Mexicans. Most Mexicans seem to recoil from education like…
Dear Readers: A couple of weeks ago, I asked half-breeds to write in with nicknames that describe their mixed Mexican heritage. Many, muchos responses continue to trickle in; gracias for the submissions. The following is a handy glossary that ustedes wrote, with the occasional Mexican commentary — enjoy! If you’re…
Dear Mexican: I am addressing this to both you and Dan Savage, hoping one of you will have an answer: Why do Mexican chicks yell for their papi during sex? Daddy del Diablo Dear Readers: After getting the above query, Dan Savage, author of the pinche hilarious column Savage Love,…
Dear Mexican: A new line of Speedy González clothing came out earlier this year. As a black vendor in a predominantly Mexican market, I immediately thought about selling some of these items. I am 35, and although I remember the cartoon coming on when I was a young kid, I…
Dear Mexican: Do you agree with immigration-rights activists calling Elvira Arellano, who is an illegal immigrant and a criminal, I might add, the Mexican Rosa Parks? The very idea that these people refer to her as such is deeply disturbing. Rosa Parks was a legal resident of this country and…
Dear readers: It’s not just questions and racist rants that invade the Mexican’s mailbox. Your feedback sneaks under my digital fence, también. Let’s start with Lean Like a K Street Chola, a former gangbanger turned lobbyist who wrote in a couple of weeks back wondering how she could explain to…
Dear Mexican: I had a discussion with a couple of gringos who said immigration (both legal and illegal) needs to stop. I replied jokingly, “Then who will take our orders at McDonald’s or work in the fields?” They told me there are Americans willing to work those jobs, especially in…
Dear Mexican: I’ve run into a problem with my wife. I’d like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she won’t allow it. Where did this name-display tradition start? Tejano Rick Dear Wab: A Mexican man who allows his mujer a say…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans say “¡Ojalá Dios quiere!”? Ojalá refers to Allah, the Muslim god, and Dios is the Christian god. Do Mexicans want to cover their bases and get a double blessing, or maybe they can’t they make up their minds? ¿Qué pasó con los dos dioses? White…
Dear Readers: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after publishing my July 12 column (in which a couple of Know Nothings had their say on the failed Senate amnesty bill), ustedes bombarded the Mexican with letters expressing your disgust toward those pendejos. Space prohibits printing them all,…
Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican-Americans still speak the language to some degree or other. I speak Japanese, but I’m losing it quickly, and when my mother passes on, so will my language. The typical Asian-American kid may attend Chinese, Korean or…
Dear Mexican: Colorado boasts a large Mexican population and ski industry, yet so few Mexicans ski. Please explain. Vail Vato Dear Gabacho: Why should we? So ustedes can call us frostbacks? Dear Mexican: Okay, so there’s a shitload of you wabs in Denver now. And, yes, I know Colorado means…
Dear Mexican: I welcome the inclusion of a nice big scoop of chopped habañeros in the bland casserole that is America. I must admit, however, that it gave me pause the other day when I saw an all-too-typical familia of recent arrivals at Kmart: mom, pop and four kids less…
Dear Mexican: A friend once asked me for a Spanish word or phrase that contains fewer syllables than its English counterpart. After years of thinking about this, the only one I could come up with was “Tengo sed” (three syllables), compared to “I am thirsty” (four syllables). This could be…
Dear Readers: Contrary to what some of ustedes think, racist gabachos and self-hating Mexicans aren’t my only fans. Many of our friendly neighbors to the Great White Norte also love me. In honor of my home town Anaheim Ducks pounding on pussy Canadians to win the Stanley Cup, I dedicate…
